


i can't move (until you show me)

by toyhdgehog



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer (TV)
Genre: F/F, Post-Episode: s07e22 Chosen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-16
Updated: 2020-10-16
Packaged: 2021-03-09 05:53:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,197
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27049750
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/toyhdgehog/pseuds/toyhdgehog
Summary: it's tara's birthday, and willow is learning how to love again.
Relationships: Faith Lehane/Willow Rosenberg, Tara Maclay/Willow Rosenberg
Comments: 3
Kudos: 28





	i can't move (until you show me)

Willow wakes up next to Faith, and flinches.

She should be used to it- she’s been waking up and seeing Faith’s bare back first thing almost every day for a few months now, but today is different. Today is Tara’s birthday, and it feels wrong to be lying next to someone who isn’t her.

Tara has been dead for three years now, and for three birthdays, it hasn’t gotten any easier. She was with Kennedy for the first one, and Kennedy kept her distance. They had a giant fight the next day and broke up a week after that. The second, she was alone. Buffy, Xander, Dawn, they all stayed away from her. This is the third, and she’s lying in bed with a girl who should be Tara.

It’s not that she doesn’t like Faith. Faith has been kind, and gentle, and snarky in the way that makes Willow blush, but it doesn’t feel right. Not while Tara’s body is buried under the rubble of Sunnydale and Willow has to keep remembering it every time she wakes up.

So Willow gets up and slips on an oversized shirt that could be either hers or Faith’s (it’s all blended together at this point) and heads down the creaky, winding staircase to the kitchen, where Buffy, Xander and a few of the baby slayers are sitting and eating breakfast, laughing and talking happily.

The mood immediately shifts when they see Willow- Buffy must’ve warned them, or maybe they just knew, but everyone looks up and frowns sympathetically. She ignores it at first, and grabs a piece of toast from the counter, haphazardly slapping and spreading grape jam onto it. She feels a touch on her shoulder, and turns to see Buffy.

“Hey Wil. How’re you holding up?” Willow furrows her eyebrows, but answers. “I’m fine. What are the plans for today?” Xander chimes in, his smile laced with pity. “Well, we were going to have you teach some of the younger ones basic protection spells, but if you’re not up to it, we can-” Willow slams the jar down so hard it shatters, and everyone jumps and stares at her.

“What is you guys’  _ problem _ ? So it’s Tara’s birthday, big deal. I wasn't the only one who knew her, you know. She wasn’t just my girlfriend, she was your  _ friend _ ,” Willow snaps, glaring at Buffy and Xander. “I don’t coddle you on Joyce’s birthday, or, or on Anya’s, so why do you treat me differently? I’m not like that anymore, I’m not going to end the world, I’m not fucking  _ fragile _ .”

She rushes back up the stairs, tears pricking at the corners of her eyes. She doesn’t want them to know that they’re  _ right _ \- that she is hurting, and that she does want to do something drastic, but she’s not going to. They don’t need to be babying her, she’s an adult. Willow runs into a half-awake Faith on the way up, blowing past her. “Hey, I woke up ‘nd you weren’t there, what’s-”

Willow slams the door behind her and flops onto the bed. “Oh- uh, are you alright?” Faith’s voice is muffled through the door, and Willow rolls over. “I- I know it’s Tara’s birthday, but I thought you would be fine. Did they say something, because, y’know, I’ll beat them up if I have to.” Willow stays silent, and hears Faith slide down the door and sit against it.

They stay like that, silent for a while, until Faith stands back up. “Willow, can I come in?” Willow grunts loudly in agreement, trying not to make it obvious how hard she’s crying. The door cracks open and quickly shuts, and Willow feels the bed dip under her as Faith lies next to her.

Faith’s arm wraps around Willow’s waist and pulls her in, spooning her. They lay there silently for a few minutes, before Faith hums lightly and Willow turns over so she can face Faith. Faith notices the tear streaks and wipes Willow’s face softly, pressing a kiss to her forehead. “Do y’wanna talk about it, or just cuddle?” Willow sighs. “Talk about it.”

Faith nods, and sits up so her back is against the headboard of the bed. Willow follows her lead, fidgeting with her fingers. “Yeah, so, it’s Tara’s birthday, and  _ obviously _ I’m going to be upset, but they’re treating me like a child, and I can take care of myself. I don’t understand why they can’t just leave me alone like they did last year, I’ll be  _ fine _ .” Faith glances at Willow.

“You can talk about her to me, y’know. I’m not gonna get mad at you for it. I know what it’s like to not be completely over someone.” Willow looks up at Faith, and something inside her breaks. She starts sobbing, loud and ugly, into Faith’s chest. Faith coos and pulls her in close, strong arms supporting her. “It’s not  _ fair _ \- she should be here. She should be here, celebrating her birthday with her friends, not buried in the ground and forgotten by everyone. She should be here, and I should be holding her, and we should still be in  _ love _ like we were.”

Faith rests her chin on Willow’s head and strokes her hair. “I know. I know hun. She deserves to be here.  _ You _ deserve to have her.” Willow settles into Faith’s lap, still crying, but softer and quieter. “I thought you would be mad at me. Kenn got mad at me when I said I still wanted her. You should be mad at me, shouldn’t you?” Faith leans her head back. “I don’t think so. She was your first love. The first big, real one at least. And she was ripped away from you earlier than she should have been. You’re allowed to want her back, to still love her. I’m not going to hold it against you, I never will.”

Willow starts crying again, and Faith slouches down so that she’s lying down and Willow’s head is on her chest. “You’re lucky,” Willow starts. “You don’t have to do any grieving today.” Faith smiles, slightly. “That’s not true. You loved her, and I care about you, so I’ll grieve for her too. It would be rude of me not to, right?” Willow shifts upwards and nuzzles herself into where Faith’s neck meets her shoulder.

“I think I love you,” she murmurs. Faith’s hold of her tightens, just slightly, and she hums contently. “I think I’m ready to love you,” she replies. “If you’ll let me in a little bit more. Tell you what, I’ll tell you one stupid thing I did, and you tell me something ugly about yourself. Or vice versa, y’know, whenever you want to. I’ll start: When I was 5 i jumped off the roof of my grandma’s house because I thought I could fly.”

Willow snorts. “I hardly ever saw my parents. They only really came around when they absolutely had to, and forgot my birthdays constantly.” Faith smiles. “If it makes you feel any better, Mr. and Mrs. Lehane weren’t much better. Or any better, for that matter.” Willow smiles. “I guess we’re both fucked up, then.” “Yeah. Guess so.”

**Author's Note:**

> i keep just spewing out fics recently and i cant tell if thats a good or bad thing... anyways kudos/comments are always appreciated and follow me on twitter @BYBORlNGBRICK


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